Henry IV, part 1 — Act 2, Scene 1 · Shakespeare for Bharat

First Carrier

Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I'll behanged: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, andyet our horse not packed. What, ostler!

Ostler

[Within] Anon, anon.

First Carrier

I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few flocksin the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers outof all cess.

Second Carrier

Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and thatis the next way to give poor jades the bots: thishouse is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died.

First Carrier

Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oatsrose; it was the death of him.

Second Carrier

I think this be the most villanous house in allLondon road for fleas: I am stung like a tench.

First Carrier

Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne'er a kingchristen could be better bit than I have been sincethe first cock.

Second Carrier

Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and then weleak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breedsfleas like a loach.

First Carrier

What, ostler! come away and be hanged!

Second Carrier

I have a gammon of bacon and two razors of ginger,to be delivered as far as Charing-cross.

First Carrier

God's body! the turkeys in my pannier are quitestarved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thounever an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An'twere not as good deed as drink, to break the pateon thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged!hast thou no faith in thee?

GADSHILL

Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock?

First Carrier

I think it be two o'clock.

GADSHILL

I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my geldingin the stable.

First Carrier

Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth two of that, i' faith.

GADSHILL

I pray thee, lend me thine.

Second Carrier

Ay, when? can'st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quothhe? marry, I'll see thee hanged first.

GADSHILL

Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?

Second Carrier

Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrantthee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up thegentleman: they will along with company, for theyhave great charge.

GADSHILL

What, ho! chamberlain!

Chamberlain

[Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse.

GADSHILL

That's even as fair as--at hand, quoth thechamberlain; for thou variest no more from pickingof purses than giving direction doth from labouring;thou layest the plot how.

Chamberlain

Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current thatI told you yesternight: there's a franklin in thewild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks withhim in gold: I heard him tell it to one of hiscompany last night at supper; a kind of auditor; onethat hath abundance of charge too, God knows what.They are up already, and call for eggs and butter;they will away presently.

GADSHILL

Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas'clerks, I'll give thee this neck.

Chamberlain

No, I'll none of it: I pray thee keep that for thehangman; for I know thou worshippest St. Nicholasas truly as a man of falsehood may.

GADSHILL

What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang,I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, oldSir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is nostarveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thoudreamest not of, the which for sport sake arecontent to do the profession some grace; that would,if matters should be looked into, for their owncredit sake, make all whole. I am joined with nofoot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers,none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms;but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters andgreat oneyers, such as can hold in, such as willstrike sooner than speak, and speak sooner thandrink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds,I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, thecommonwealth; or rather, not pray to her, but preyon her, for they ride up and down on her and makeher their boots.

Chamberlain

What, the commonwealth their boots? will she holdout water in foul way?

GADSHILL

She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. Westeal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the receiptof fern-seed, we walk invisible.

Chamberlain

Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding tothe night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible.

GADSHILL

Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in ourpurchase, as I am a true man.

Chamberlain

Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.

GADSHILL

Go to; 'homo' is a common name to all men. Bid theostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell,you muddy knave.