Henry IV, part 1 — Act 4, Scene 2 · Shakespeare for Bharat

FALSTAFF

Bardolph, get thee before to Coventry; fill me abottle of sack: our soldiers shall march through;we'll to Sutton Co'fil' tonight.

BARDOLPH

Will you give me money, captain?

FALSTAFF

Lay out, lay out.

BARDOLPH

This bottle makes an angel.

FALSTAFF

An if it do, take it for thy labour; and if it maketwenty, take them all; I'll answer the coinage. Bidmy lieutenant Peto meet me at town's end.

BARDOLPH

I will, captain: farewell.

FALSTAFF

If I be not ashamed of my soldiers, I am a sousedgurnet. I have misused the king's press damnably.I have got, in exchange of a hundred and fiftysoldiers, three hundred and odd pounds. I press menone but good house-holders, yeoman's sons; inquireme out contracted bachelors, such as had been askedtwice on the banns; such a commodity of warm slaves,as had as lieve hear the devil as a drum; such asfear the report of a caliver worse than a struckfowl or a hurt wild-duck. I pressed me none but suchtoasts-and-butter, with hearts in their bellies nobigger than pins' heads, and they have bought outtheir services; and now my whole charge consists ofancients, corporals, lieutenants, gentlemen ofcompanies, slaves as ragged as Lazarus in thepainted cloth, where the glutton's dogs licked hissores; and such as indeed were never soldiers, butdiscarded unjust serving-men, younger sons toyounger brothers, revolted tapsters and ostlerstrade-fallen, the cankers of a calm world and along peace, ten times more dishonourable ragged thanan old faced ancient: and such have I, to fill upthe rooms of them that have bought out theirservices, that you would think that I had a hundredand fifty tattered prodigals lately come fromswine-keeping, from eating draff and husks. A madfellow met me on the way and told me I had unloadedall the gibbets and pressed the dead bodies. No eyehath seen such scarecrows. I'll not march throughCoventry with them, that's flat: nay, and thevillains march wide betwixt the legs, as if they hadgyves on; for indeed I had the most of them out ofprison. There's but a shirt and a half in all mycompany; and the half shirt is two napkins tackedtogether and thrown over the shoulders like anherald's coat without sleeves; and the shirt, to saythe truth, stolen from my host at Saint Alban's, orthe red-nose innkeeper of Daventry. But that's allone; they'll find linen enough on every hedge.

PRINCE HENRY

How now, blown Jack! how now, quilt!

FALSTAFF

What, Hal! how now, mad wag! what a devil dost thouin Warwickshire? My good Lord of Westmoreland, Icry you mercy: I thought your honour had already beenat Shrewsbury.

WESTMORELAND

Faith, Sir John,'tis more than time that I werethere, and you too; but my powers are there already.The king, I can tell you, looks for us all: we mustaway all night.

FALSTAFF

Tut, never fear me: I am as vigilant as a cat tosteal cream.

PRINCE HENRY

I think, to steal cream indeed, for thy theft hathalready made thee butter. But tell me, Jack, whosefellows are these that come after?

FALSTAFF

Mine, Hal, mine.

PRINCE HENRY

I did never see such pitiful rascals.

FALSTAFF

Tut, tut; good enough to toss; food for powder, foodfor powder; they'll fill a pit as well as better:tush, man, mortal men, mortal men.

WESTMORELAND

Ay, but, Sir John, methinks they are exceeding poorand bare, too beggarly.

FALSTAFF

'Faith, for their poverty, I know not where they hadthat; and for their bareness, I am sure they neverlearned that of me.

PRINCE HENRY

No I'll be sworn; unless you call three fingers onthe ribs bare. But, sirrah, make haste: Percy isalready in the field.

FALSTAFF

What, is the king encamped?

WESTMORELAND

He is, Sir John: I fear we shall stay too long.

FALSTAFF

Well,To the latter end of a fray and the beginning of a feastFits a dull fighter and a keen guest.