Henry IV, part 2 — Act 3, Scene 2 · Shakespeare for Bharat

SHALLOW

Come on, come on, come on, sir; give me your hand,sir, give me your hand, sir: an early stirrer, bythe rood! And how doth my good cousin Silence?

SILENCE

Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.

SHALLOW

And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow? and yourfairest daughter and mine, my god-daughter Ellen?

SILENCE

Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow!

SHALLOW

By yea and nay, sir, I dare say my cousin William isbecome a good scholar: he is at Oxford still, is he not?

SILENCE

Indeed, sir, to my cost.

SHALLOW

A' must, then, to the inns o' court shortly. I wasonce of Clement's Inn, where I think they willtalk of mad Shallow yet.

SILENCE

You were called 'lusty Shallow' then, cousin.

SHALLOW

By the mass, I was called any thing; and I wouldhave done any thing indeed too, and roundly too.There was I, and little John Doit of Staffordshire,and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, andWill Squele, a Cotswold man; you had not four suchswinge-bucklers in all the inns o' court again: andI may say to you, we knew where the bona-robas wereand had the best of them all at commandment. Thenwas Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and page toThomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.

SILENCE

This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about soldiers?

SHALLOW

The same Sir John, the very same. I see him breakSkogan's head at the court-gate, when a' was acrack not thus high: and the very same day did Ifight with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer,behind Gray's Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the mad days that Ihave spent! and to see how many of my oldacquaintance are dead!

SILENCE

We shall all follow, cousin.

SHADOW

Certain, 'tis certain; very sure, very sure: death,as the Psalmist saith, is certain to all; all shalldie. How a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair?

SILENCE

By my troth, I was not there.

SHALLOW

Death is certain. Is old Double of your town livingyet?

SILENCE

Dead, sir.

SHALLOW

Jesu, Jesu, dead! a' drew a good bow; and dead! a'shot a fine shoot: John a Gaunt loved him well, andbetted much money on his head. Dead! a' would haveclapped i' the clout at twelve score; and carriedyou a forehand shaft a fourteen and fourteen and ahalf, that it would have done a man's heart good tosee. How a score of ewes now?

SILENCE

Thereafter as they be: a score of good ewes may beworth ten pounds.

SHALLOW

And is old Double dead?

SILENCE

Here come two of Sir John Falstaff's men, as I think.

BARDOLPH

Good morrow, honest gentlemen: I beseech you, whichis Justice Shallow?

SHALLOW

I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire of thiscounty, and one of the king's justices of th e peace:What is your good pleasure with me?

BARDOLPH

My captain, sir, commends him to you; my captain,Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, anda most gallant leader.

SHALLOW

He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backswordman. How doth the good knight? may I ask how mylady his wife doth?

BARDOLPH

Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated thanwith a wife.

SHALLOW

It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well saidindeed too. Better accommodated! it is good; yea,indeed, is it: good phrases are surely, and everwere, very commendable. Accommodated! it comes of'accommodo' very good; a good phrase.

BARDOLPH

Pardon me, sir; I have heard the word. Phrase callyou it? by this good day, I know not the phrase;but I will maintain the word with my sword to be asoldier-like word, and a word of exceeding goodcommand, by heaven. Accommodated; that is, when aman is, as they say, accommodated; or when a man is,being, whereby a' may be thought to be accommodated;which is an excellent thing.

SHALLOW

It is very just.

SHALLOW

Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your goodhand, give me your worship's good hand: by mytroth, you like well and bear your years very well:welcome, good Sir John.

FALSTAFF

I am glad to see you well, good Master RobertShallow: Master Surecard, as I think?

SHALLOW

No, Sir John; it is my cousin Silence, in commission with me.

FALSTAFF

Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be ofthe peace.

SILENCE

Your good-worship is welcome.

FALSTAFF

Fie! this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have youprovided me here half a dozen sufficient men?

SHALLOW

Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?

FALSTAFF

Let me see them, I beseech you.

SHALLOW

Where's the roll? where's the roll? where's theroll? Let me see, let me see, let me see. So, so:yea, marry, sir: Ralph Mouldy! Let them appear asI call; let them do so, let them do so. Let mesee; where is Mouldy?

MOULDY

Here, an't please you.

SHALLOW

What think you, Sir John? a good-limbed fellow;young, strong, and of good friends.

FALSTAFF

Is thy name Mouldy?

MOULDY

Yea, an't please you.

FALSTAFF

'Tis the more time thou wert used.

SHALLOW

Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i' faith! Things thatare mouldy lack use: very singular good! in faith,well said, Sir John, very well said.

FALSTAFF

Prick him.

MOULDY

I was pricked well enough before, an you could havelet me alone: my old dame will be undone now forone to do her husbandry and her drudgery: you neednot to have pricked me; there are other men fitterto go out than I.

FALSTAFF

Go to: peace, Mouldy; you shall go. Mouldy, it istime you were spent.

MOULDY

Spent!

SHALLOW

Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside: know you whereyou are? For the other, Sir John: let me see:Simon Shadow!

FALSTAFF

Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under: he's liketo be a cold soldier.

SHALLOW

Where's Shadow?

SHADOW

Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

Shadow, whose son art thou?

SHADOW

My mother's son, sir.

FALSTAFF

Thy mother's son! like enough, and thy father'sshadow: so the son of the female is the shadow ofthe male: it is often so, indeed; but much of thefather's substance!

SHALLOW

Do you like him, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

Shadow will serve for summer; prick him, for we havea number of shadows to fill up the muster-book.

SHALLOW

Thomas Wart!

FALSTAFF

Where's he?

WART

Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

Is thy name Wart?

WART

Yea, sir.

FALSTAFF

Thou art a very ragged wart.

SHALLOW

Shall I prick him down, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

It were superfluous; for his apparel is built uponhis back and the whole frame stands upon pins:prick him no more.

SHALLOW

Ha, ha, ha! you can do it, sir; you can do it: Icommend you well. Francis Feeble!

FEEBLE

Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

What trade art thou, Feeble?

FEEBLE

A woman's tailor, sir.

SHALLOW

Shall I prick him, sir?

FALSTAFF

You may: but if he had been a man's tailor, he'ldha' pricked you. Wilt thou make as many holes inan enemy's battle as thou hast done in a woman's petticoat?

FEEBLE

I will do my good will, sir; you can have no more.

FALSTAFF

Well said, good woman's tailor! well said,courageous Feeble! thou wilt be as valiant as thewrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. Prick thewoman's tailor: well, Master Shallow; deep, Master Shallow.

FEEBLE

I would Wart might have gone, sir.

FALSTAFF

I would thou wert a man's tailor, that thou mightstmend him and make him fit to go. I cannot put himto a private soldier that is the leader of so manythousands: let that suffice, most forcible Feeble.

FEEBLE

It shall suffice, sir.

FALSTAFF

I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next?

SHALLOW

Peter Bullcalf o' the green!

FALSTAFF

Yea, marry, let's see Bullcalf.

BULLCALF

Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

'Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalftill he roar again.

BULLCALF

O Lord! good my lord captain,--

FALSTAFF

What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked?

BULLCALF

O Lord, sir! I am a diseased man.

FALSTAFF

What disease hast thou?

BULLCALF

A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caughtwith ringing in the king's affairs upon hiscoronation-day, sir.

FALSTAFF

Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we wilthave away thy cold; and I will take such order thatmy friends shall ring for thee. Is here all?

SHALLOW

Here is two more called than your number, you musthave but four here, sir: and so, I pray you, go inwith me to dinner.

FALSTAFF

Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarrydinner. I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all nightin the windmill in Saint George's field?

FALSTAFF

No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more of that.

SHALLOW

Ha! 'twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork alive?

FALSTAFF

She lives, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

She never could away with me.

FALSTAFF

Never, never; she would always say she could notabide Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

By the mass, I could anger her to the heart. Shewas then a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well?

FALSTAFF

Old, old, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose but be old;certain she's old; and had Robin Nightwork by oldNightwork before I came to Clement's Inn.

SILENCE

That's fifty-five year ago.

SHALLOW

Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that thatthis knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?

FALSTAFF

We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith,Sir John, we have: our watch-word was 'Hem boys!'Come, let's to dinner; come, let's to dinner:Jesus, the days that we have seen! Come, come.

BULLCALF

Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend;and here's four Harry ten shillings in French crownsfor you. In very truth, sir, I had as lief behanged, sir, as go: and yet, for mine own part, sir,I do not care; but rather, because I am unwilling,and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay withmy friends; else, sir, I did not care, for mine ownpart, so much.

BARDOLPH

Go to; stand aside.

MOULDY

And, good master corporal captain, for my olddame's sake, stand my friend: she has nobody to doany thing about her when I am gone; and she is old,and cannot help herself: You shall have forty, sir.

BARDOLPH

Go to; stand aside.

FEEBLE

By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once: weowe God a death: I'll ne'er bear a base mind:an't be my destiny, so; an't be not, so: no man istoo good to serve's prince; and let it go which wayit will, he that dies this year is quit for the next.

BARDOLPH

Well said; thou'rt a good fellow.

FEEBLE

Faith, I'll bear no base mind.

FALSTAFF

Come, sir, which men shall I have?

SHALLOW

Four of which you please.

BARDOLPH

Sir, a word with you: I have three pound to freeMouldy and Bullcalf.

FALSTAFF

Go to; well.

SHALLOW

Come, Sir John, which four will you have?

FALSTAFF

Do you choose for me.

SHALLOW

Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble and Shadow.

FALSTAFF

Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy, stay at hometill you are past service: and for your part,Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it: I will none of you.

SHALLOW

Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong: they areyour likeliest men, and I would have you served with the best.

FALSTAFF

Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose aman? Care I for the limb, the thewes, the stature,bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give me thespirit, Master Shallow. Here's Wart; you see what aragged appearance it is; a' shall charge you anddischarge you with the motion of a pewterer'shammer, come off and on swifter than he that gibbetson the brewer's bucket. And this same half-facedfellow, Shadow; give me this man: he presents nomark to the enemy; the foeman may with as great aimlevel at the edge of a penknife. And for a retreat;how swiftly will this Feeble the woman's tailor runoff! O, give me the spare men, and spare me thegreat ones. Put me a caliver into Wart's hand, Bardolph.

BARDOLPH

Hold, Wart, traverse; thus, thus, thus.

FALSTAFF

Come, manage me your caliver. So: very well: goto: very good, exceeding good. O, give me always alittle, lean, old, chapt, bald shot. Well said, i'faith, Wart; thou'rt a good scab: hold, there's atester for thee.

SHALLOW

He is not his craft's master; he doth not do itright. I remember at Mile-end Green, when I lay atClement's Inn--I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur'sshow,--there was a little quiver fellow, and a'would manage you his piece thus; and a' would aboutand about, and come you in and come you in: 'rah,tah, tah,' would a' say; 'bounce' would a' say; andaway again would a' go, and again would a' come: Ishall ne'er see such a fellow.

FALSTAFF

These fellows will do well, Master Shallow. Godkeep you, Master Silence: I will not use many wordswith you. Fare you well, gentlemen both: I thankyou: I must a dozen mile to-night. Bardolph, givethe soldiers coats.

SHALLOW

Sir John, the Lord bless you! God prosper youraffairs! God send us peace! At your return visitour house; let our old acquaintance be renewed;peradventure I will with ye to the court.

FALSTAFF

'Fore God, I would you would, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

Go to; I have spoke at a word. God keep you.

FALSTAFF

Fare you well, gentle gentlemen.

FALSTAFF

On, Bardolph; lead the men away.

FALSTAFF

As I return, I will fetch off these justices: I dosee the bottom of Justice Shallow. Lord, Lord, howsubject we old men are to this vice of lying! Thissame starved justice hath done nothing but prate tome of the wildness of his youth, and the feats hehath done about Turnbull Street: and every thirdword a lie, duer paid to the hearer than the Turk'stribute. I do remember him at Clement's Inn like aman made after supper of a cheese-paring: when a'was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forkedradish, with a head fantastically carved upon itwith a knife: a' was so forlorn, that hisdimensions to any thick sight were invincible: a'was the very genius of famine; yet lecherous as amonkey, and the whores called him mandrake: a' cameever in the rearward of the fashion, and sung thosetunes to the overscutched huswives that he heard thecarmen whistle, and swear they were his fancies orhis good-nights. And now is this Vice's daggerbecome a squire, and talks as familiarly of John aGaunt as if he had been sworn brother to him; andI'll be sworn a' ne'er saw him but once in theTilt-yard; and then he burst his head for crowdingamong the marshal's men. I saw it, and told John aGaunt he beat his own name; for you might havethrust him and all his apparel into an eel-skin; thecase of a treble hautboy was a mansion for him, acourt: and now has he land and beefs. Well, I'llbe acquainted with him, if I return; and it shallgo hard but I will make him a philosopher's twostones to me: if the young dace be a bait for theold pike, I see no reason in the law of nature but Imay snap at him. Let time shape, and there an end.