Henry IV, part 2 — Act 4, Scene 3 · Shakespeare for Bharat

FALSTAFF

What's your name, sir? of what condition are you,and of what place, I pray?

COLEVILE

I am a knight, sir, and my name is Colevile of the dale.

FALSTAFF

Well, then, Colevile is your name, a knight is yourdegree, and your place the dale: Colevile shall bestill your name, a traitor your degree, and thedungeon your place, a place deep enough; so shallyou be still Colevile of the dale.

COLEVILE

Are not you Sir John Falstaff?

FALSTAFF

As good a man as he, sir, whoe'er I am. Do yeyield, sir? or shall I sweat for you? if I dosweat, they are the drops of thy lovers, and theyweep for thy death: therefore rouse up fear andtrembling, and do observance to my mercy.

COLEVILE

I think you are Sir John Falstaff, and in thatthought yield me.

FALSTAFF

I have a whole school of tongues in this belly ofmine, and not a tongue of them all speaks any otherword but my name. An I had but a belly of anyindifference, I were simply the most active fellowin Europe: my womb, my womb, my womb, undoes me.Here comes our general.

LANCASTER

The heat is past; follow no further now:Call in the powers, good cousin Westmoreland.

LANCASTER

Now, Falstaff, where have you been all this while?When every thing is ended, then you come:These tardy tricks of yours will, on my life,One time or other break some gallows' back.

FALSTAFF

I would be sorry, my lord, but it should be thus: Inever knew yet but rebuke and cheque was the rewardof valour. Do you think me a swallow, an arrow, or abullet? have I, in my poor and old motion, theexpedition of thought? I have speeded hither withthe very extremest inch of possibility; I havefoundered nine score and odd posts: and here,travel-tainted as I am, have in my pure andimmaculate valour, taken Sir John Colevile of thedale, a most furious knight and valorous enemy.But what of that? he saw me, and yielded; that Imay justly say, with the hook-nosed fellow of Rome,'I came, saw, and overcame.'

LANCASTER

It was more of his courtesy than your deserving.

FALSTAFF

I know not: here he is, and here I yield him: andI beseech your grace, let it be booked with therest of this day's deeds; or, by the Lord, I willhave it in a particular ballad else, with mine ownpicture on the top on't, Colevile kissing my foot:to the which course if I be enforced, if you do notall show like gilt twopences to me, and I in theclear sky of fame o'ershine you as much as the fullmoon doth the cinders of the element, which showlike pins' heads to her, believe not the word ofthe noble: therefore let me have right, and letdesert mount.

LANCASTER

Thine's too heavy to mount.

FALSTAFF

Let it shine, then.

LANCASTER

Thine's too thick to shine.

FALSTAFF

Let it do something, my good lord, that may do megood, and call it what you will.

LANCASTER

Is thy name Colevile?

COLEVILE

It is, my lord.

LANCASTER

A famous rebel art thou, Colevile.

FALSTAFF

And a famous true subject took him.

COLEVILE

I am, my lord, but as my betters areThat led me hither: had they been ruled by me,You should have won them dearer than you have.

FALSTAFF

I know not how they sold themselves: but thou, likea kind fellow, gavest thyself away gratis; and Ithank thee for thee.

LANCASTER

Now, have you left pursuit?

WESTMORELAND

Retreat is made and execution stay'd.

LANCASTER

Send Colevile with his confederatesTo York, to present execution:Blunt, lead him hence; and see you guard him sure.

LANCASTER

And now dispatch we toward the court, my lords:I hear the king my father is sore sick:Our news shall go before us to his majesty,Which, cousin, you shall bear to comfort him,And we with sober speed will follow you.

FALSTAFF

My lord, I beseech you, give me leave to goThrough Gloucestershire: and, when you come to court,Stand my good lord, pray, in your good report.

LANCASTER

Fare you well, Falstaff: I, in my condition,Shall better speak of you than you deserve.

FALSTAFF

I would you had but the wit: 'twere better thanyour dukedom. Good faith, this same young sober-blooded boy doth not love me; nor a man cannot makehim laugh; but that's no marvel, he drinks no wine.There's never none of these demure boys come to anyproof; for thin drink doth so over-cool their blood,and making many fish-meals, that they fall into akind of male green-sickness; and then when theymarry, they get wenches: they are generally foolsand cowards; which some of us should be too, but forinflammation. A good sherris sack hath a two-foldoperation in it. It ascends me into the brain;dries me there all the foolish and dull and curdyvapours which environ it; makes it apprehensive,quick, forgetive, full of nimble fiery anddelectable shapes, which, delivered o'er to thevoice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomesexcellent wit. The second property of yourexcellent sherris is, the warming of the blood;which, before cold and settled, left the liverwhite and pale, which is the badge of pusillanimityand cowardice; but the sherris warms it and makesit course from the inwards to the parts extreme:it illumineth the face, which as a beacon giveswarning to all the rest of this little kingdom,man, to arm; and then the vital commoners andinland petty spirits muster me all to their captain,the heart, who, great and puffed up with thisretinue, doth any deed of courage; and this valourcomes of sherris. So that skill in the weapon isnothing without sack, for that sets it a-work; andlearning a mere hoard of gold kept by a devil, tillsack commences it and sets it in act and use.Hereof comes it that Prince Harry is valiant; forthe cold blood he did naturally inherit of hisfather, he hath, like lean, sterile and bare land,manured, husbanded and tilled with excellentendeavour of drinking good and good store of fertilesherris, that he is become very hot and valiant. IfI had a thousand sons, the first humane principle Iwould teach them should be, to forswear thinpotations and to addict themselves to sack.

FALSTAFF

How now Bardolph?

BARDOLPH

The army is discharged all and gone.

FALSTAFF

Let them go. I'll through Gloucestershire; andthere will I visit Master Robert Shallow, esquire:I have him already tempering between my finger andmy thumb, and shortly will I seal with him. Come away.