All's Well That Ends Well — Act 3, Scene 6

Second Lord

Nay, good my lord, put him to't; let him have hisway.

First Lord

If your lordship find him not a hilding, hold me nomore in your respect.

Second Lord

On my life, my lord, a bubble.

BERTRAM

Do you think I am so far deceived in him?

Second Lord

Believe it, my lord, in mine own direct knowledge,without any malice, but to speak of him as mykinsman, he's a most notable coward, an infinite andendless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the ownerof no one good quality worthy your lordship'sentertainment.

First Lord

It were fit you knew him; lest, reposing too far inhis virtue, which he hath not, he might at somegreat and trusty business in a main danger fail you.

BERTRAM

I would I knew in what particular action to try him.

First Lord

None better than to let him fetch off his drum,which you hear him so confidently undertake to do.

Second Lord

I, with a troop of Florentines, will suddenlysurprise him; such I will have, whom I am sure heknows not from the enemy: we will bind and hoodwinkhim so, that he shall suppose no other but that heis carried into the leaguer of the adversaries, whenwe bring him to our own tents. Be but your lordshippresent at his examination: if he do not, for thepromise of his life and in the highest compulsion ofbase fear, offer to betray you and deliver all theintelligence in his power against you, and that withthe divine forfeit of his soul upon oath, nevertrust my judgment in any thing.

First Lord

O, for the love of laughter, let him fetch his drum;he says he has a stratagem for't: when yourlordship sees the bottom of his success in't, and towhat metal this counterfeit lump of ore will bemelted, if you give him not John Drum'sentertainment, your inclining cannot be removed.Here he comes.

Second Lord

[Aside to BERTRAM] O, for the love of laughter,hinder not the honour of his design: let him fetchoff his drum in any hand.

BERTRAM

How now, monsieur! this drum sticks sorely in yourdisposition.

First Lord

A pox on't, let it go; 'tis but a drum.

PAROLLES

'But a drum'! is't 'but a drum'? A drum so lost!There was excellent command,--to charge in with ourhorse upon our own wings, and to rend our own soldiers!

First Lord

That was not to be blamed in the command of theservice: it was a disaster of war that Caesarhimself could not have prevented, if he had beenthere to command.

BERTRAM

Well, we cannot greatly condemn our success: somedishonour we had in the loss of that drum; but it isnot to be recovered.

PAROLLES

It might have been recovered.

BERTRAM

It might; but it is not now.

PAROLLES

It is to be recovered: but that the merit ofservice is seldom attributed to the true and exactperformer, I would have that drum or another, or'hic jacet.'

BERTRAM

Why, if you have a stomach, to't, monsieur: if youthink your mystery in stratagem can bring thisinstrument of honour again into his native quarter,be magnanimous in the enterprise and go on; I willgrace the attempt for a worthy exploit: if youspeed well in it, the duke shall both speak of it.and extend to you what further becomes hisgreatness, even to the utmost syllable of yourworthiness.

PAROLLES

By the hand of a soldier, I will undertake it.

BERTRAM

But you must not now slumber in it.

PAROLLES

I'll about it this evening: and I will presentlypen down my dilemmas, encourage myself in mycertainty, put myself into my mortal preparation;and by midnight look to hear further from me.

BERTRAM

May I be bold to acquaint his grace you are gone about it?

PAROLLES

I know not what the success will be, my lord; butthe attempt I vow.

BERTRAM

I know thou'rt valiant; and, to the possibility ofthy soldiership, will subscribe for thee. Farewell.

PAROLLES

I love not many words.

Second Lord

No more than a fish loves water. Is not this astrange fellow, my lord, that so confidently seemsto undertake this business, which he knows is not tobe done; damns himself to do and dares better bedamned than to do't?

First Lord

You do not know him, my lord, as we do: certain itis that he will steal himself into a man's favour andfor a week escape a great deal of discoveries; butwhen you find him out, you have him ever after.

BERTRAM

Why, do you think he will make no deed at all ofthis that so seriously he does address himself unto?

Second Lord

None in the world; but return with an invention andclap upon you two or three probable lies: but wehave almost embossed him; you shall see his fallto-night; for indeed he is not for your lordship's respect.

First Lord

We'll make you some sport with the fox ere we casehim. He was first smoked by the old lord Lafeu:when his disguise and he is parted, tell me what asprat you shall find him; which you shall see thisvery night.

Second Lord

I must go look my twigs: he shall be caught.

BERTRAM

Your brother he shall go along with me.

Second Lord

As't please your lordship: I'll leave you.

BERTRAM

Now will I lead you to the house, and show youThe lass I spoke of.

First Lord

But you say she's honest.

BERTRAM

That's all the fault: I spoke with her but onceAnd found her wondrous cold; but I sent to her,By this same coxcomb that we have i' the wind,Tokens and letters which she did re-send;And this is all I have done. She's a fair creature:Will you go see her?

First Lord

With all my heart, my lord.