As You Like It — Act 4, Scene 1 · Shakespeare for Bharat

JAQUES

I prithee, pretty youth, let me be better acquaintedwith thee.

ROSALIND

They say you are a melancholy fellow.

JAQUES

I am so; I do love it better than laughing.

ROSALIND

Those that are in extremity of either are abominablefellows and betray themselves to every moderncensure worse than drunkards.

JAQUES

Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nothing.

ROSALIND

Why then, 'tis good to be a post.

JAQUES

I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which isemulation, nor the musician's, which is fantastical,nor the courtier's, which is proud, nor thesoldier's, which is ambitious, nor the lawyer's,which is politic, nor the lady's, which is nice, northe lover's, which is all these: but it is amelancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples,extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry'scontemplation of my travels, in which my oftenrumination wraps me m a most humorous sadness.

ROSALIND

A traveller! By my faith, you have great reason tobe sad: I fear you have sold your own lands to seeother men's; then, to have seen much and to havenothing, is to have rich eyes and poor hands.

JAQUES

Yes, I have gained my experience.

ROSALIND

And your experience makes you sad: I had rather havea fool to make me merry than experience to make mesad; and to travel for it too!

ORLANDO

Good day and happiness, dear Rosalind!

JAQUES

Nay, then, God be wi' you, an you talk in blank verse.

ROSALIND

Farewell, Monsieur Traveller: look you lisp andwear strange suits, disable all the benefits of yourown country, be out of love with your nativity andalmost chide God for making you that countenance youare, or I will scarce think you have swam in agondola. Why, how now, Orlando! where have you beenall this while? You a lover! An you serve me suchanother trick, never come in my sight more.

ORLANDO

My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.

ROSALIND

Break an hour's promise in love! He that willdivide a minute into a thousand parts and break buta part of the thousandth part of a minute in theaffairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupidhath clapped him o' the shoulder, but I'll warranthim heart-whole.

ORLANDO

Pardon me, dear Rosalind.

ROSALIND

Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight: Ihad as lief be wooed of a snail.

ORLANDO

Of a snail?

ROSALIND

Ay, of a snail; for though he comes slowly, hecarries his house on his head; a better jointure,I think, than you make a woman: besides he bringshis destiny with him.

ORLANDO

What's that?

ROSALIND

Why, horns, which such as you are fain to bebeholding to your wives for: but he comes armed inhis fortune and prevents the slander of his wife.

ORLANDO

Virtue is no horn-maker; and my Rosalind is virtuous.

ROSALIND

And I am your Rosalind.

CELIA

It pleases him to call you so; but he hath aRosalind of a better leer than you.

ROSALIND

Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holidayhumour and like enough to consent. What would yousay to me now, an I were your very very Rosalind?

ORLANDO

I would kiss before I spoke.

ROSALIND

Nay, you were better speak first, and when you weregravelled for lack of matter, you might takeoccasion to kiss. Very good orators, when they areout, they will spit; and for lovers lacking--Godwarn us!--matter, the cleanliest shift is to kiss.

ORLANDO

How if the kiss be denied?

ROSALIND

Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new matter.

ORLANDO

Who could be out, being before his beloved mistress?

ROSALIND

Marry, that should you, if I were your mistress, orI should think my honesty ranker than my wit.

ORLANDO

What, of my suit?

ROSALIND

Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit.Am not I your Rosalind?

ORLANDO

I take some joy to say you are, because I would betalking of her.

ROSALIND

Well in her person I say I will not have you.

ORLANDO

Then in mine own person I die.

ROSALIND

No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world isalmost six thousand years old, and in all this timethere was not any man died in his own person,videlicit, in a love-cause. Troilus had his brainsdashed out with a Grecian club; yet he did what hecould to die before, and he is one of the patternsof love. Leander, he would have lived many a fairyear, though Hero had turned nun, if it had not beenfor a hot midsummer night; for, good youth, he wentbut forth to wash him in the Hellespont and beingtaken with the cramp was drowned and the foolishcoroners of that age found it was 'Hero of Sestos.'But these are all lies: men have died from time totime and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

ORLANDO

I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind,for, I protest, her frown might kill me.

ROSALIND

By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come, nowI will be your Rosalind in a more coming-ondisposition, and ask me what you will. I will grantit.

ORLANDO

Then love me, Rosalind.

ROSALIND

Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays and all.

ORLANDO

And wilt thou have me?

ROSALIND

Ay, and twenty such.

ORLANDO

What sayest thou?

ROSALIND

Are you not good?

ORLANDO

I hope so.

ROSALIND

Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?Come, sister, you shall be the priest and marry us.Give me your hand, Orlando. What do you say, sister?

ORLANDO

Pray thee, marry us.

CELIA

I cannot say the words.

ROSALIND

You must begin, 'Will you, Orlando--'

CELIA

Go to. Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind?

ORLANDO

I will.

ROSALIND

Ay, but when?

ORLANDO

Why now; as fast as she can marry us.

ROSALIND

Then you must say 'I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.'

ORLANDO

I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.

ROSALIND

I might ask you for your commission; but I do takethee, Orlando, for my husband: there's a girl goesbefore the priest; and certainly a woman's thoughtruns before her actions.

ORLANDO

So do all thoughts; they are winged.

ROSALIND

Now tell me how long you would have her after youhave possessed her.

ORLANDO

For ever and a day.

ROSALIND

Say 'a day,' without the 'ever.' No, no, Orlando;men are April when they woo, December when they wed:maids are May when they are maids, but the skychanges when they are wives. I will be more jealousof thee than a Barbary cock-pigeon over his hen,more clamorous than a parrot against rain, morenew-fangled than an ape, more giddy in my desiresthan a monkey: I will weep for nothing, like Dianain the fountain, and I will do that when you aredisposed to be merry; I will laugh like a hyen, andthat when thou art inclined to sleep.

ORLANDO

But will my Rosalind do so?

ROSALIND

By my life, she will do as I do.

ORLANDO

O, but she is wise.

ROSALIND

Or else she could not have the wit to do this: thewiser, the waywarder: make the doors upon a woman'swit and it will out at the casement; shut that and'twill out at the key-hole; stop that, 'twill flywith the smoke out at the chimney.

ORLANDO

A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say'Wit, whither wilt?'

ROSALIND

Nay, you might keep that cheque for it till you metyour wife's wit going to your neighbour's bed.

ORLANDO

And what wit could wit have to excuse that?

ROSALIND

Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shallnever take her without her answer, unless you takeher without her tongue. O, that woman that cannotmake her fault her husband's occasion, let hernever nurse her child herself, for she will breedit like a fool!

ORLANDO

For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.

ROSALIND

Alas! dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours.

ORLANDO

I must attend the duke at dinner: by two o'clock Iwill be with thee again.

ROSALIND

Ay, go your ways, go your ways; I knew what youwould prove: my friends told me as much, and Ithought no less: that flattering tongue of yourswon me: 'tis but one cast away, and so, come,death! Two o'clock is your hour?

ORLANDO

Ay, sweet Rosalind.

ROSALIND

By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mendme, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous,if you break one jot of your promise or come oneminute behind your hour, I will think you the mostpathetical break-promise and the most hollow loverand the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind thatmay be chosen out of the gross band of theunfaithful: therefore beware my censure and keepyour promise.

ORLANDO

With no less religion than if thou wert indeed myRosalind: so adieu.

ROSALIND

Well, Time is the old justice that examines all suchoffenders, and let Time try: adieu.

CELIA

You have simply misused our sex in your love-prate:we must have your doublet and hose plucked over yourhead, and show the world what the bird hath done toher own nest.

ROSALIND

O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thoudidst know how many fathom deep I am in love! Butit cannot be sounded: my affection hath an unknownbottom, like the bay of Portugal.

CELIA

Or rather, bottomless, that as fast as you pouraffection in, it runs out.

ROSALIND

No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begotof thought, conceived of spleen and born of madness,that blind rascally boy that abuses every one's eyesbecause his own are out, let him be judge how deep Iam in love. I'll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be outof the sight of Orlando: I'll go find a shadow andsigh till he come.

CELIA

And I'll sleep.