Act II · Scene I
London. A street.
Hover a speech to translate it — or press play to hear it performed.
Enter Corporal NYM and Lieutenant BARDOLPH
BARDOLPH
Well met, Corporal Nym.
NYM
Good morrow, Lieutenant Bardolph.
BARDOLPH
What, are Ancient Pistol and you friends yet?
NYM
For my part, I care not: I say little; but whentime shall serve, there shall be smiles; but thatshall be as it may. I dare not fight; but I willwink and hold out mine iron: it is a simple one; butwhat though? it will toast cheese, and it willendure cold as another man's sword will: andthere's an end.
BARDOLPH
I will bestow a breakfast to make you friends; andwe'll be all three sworn brothers to France: let itbe so, good Corporal Nym.
NYM
Faith, I will live so long as I may, that's thecertain of it; and when I cannot live any longer, Iwill do as I may: that is my rest, that is therendezvous of it.
BARDOLPH
It is certain, corporal, that he is married to NellQuickly: and certainly she did you wrong; for youwere troth-plight to her.
NYM
I cannot tell: things must be as they may: men maysleep, and they may have their throats about them atthat time; and some say knives have edges. It mustbe as it may: though patience be a tired mare, yetshe will plod. There must be conclusions. Well, Icannot tell.
Enter PISTOL and Hostess
BARDOLPH
Here comes Ancient Pistol and his wife: goodcorporal, be patient here. How now, mine host Pistol!
PISTOL
Base tike, call'st thou me host? Now, by this hand,I swear, I scorn the term; Nor shall my Nell keep lodgers.
Hostess
No, by my troth, not long; for we cannot lodge andboard a dozen or fourteen gentlewomen that livehonestly by the prick of their needles, but it willbe thought we keep a bawdy house straight.
NYM and PISTOL draw
Hostess
O well a day, Lady, if he be not drawn now! weshall see wilful adultery and murder committed.
BARDOLPH
Good lieutenant! good corporal! offer nothing here.
NYM
Pish!
PISTOL
Pish for thee, Iceland dog! thou prick-ear'd cur of Iceland!
Hostess
Good Corporal Nym, show thy valour, and put up your sword.
NYM
Will you shog off? I would have you solus.
PISTOL
'Solus,' egregious dog? O viper vile!The 'solus' in thy most mervailous face;The 'solus' in thy teeth, and in thy throat,And in thy hateful lungs, yea, in thy maw, perdy,And, which is worse, within thy nasty mouth!I do retort the 'solus' in thy bowels;For I can take, and Pistol's cock is up,And flashing fire will follow.
NYM
I am not Barbason; you cannot conjure me. I have anhumour to knock you indifferently well. If you growfoul with me, Pistol, I will scour you with myrapier, as I may, in fair terms: if you would walkoff, I would prick your guts a little, in goodterms, as I may: and that's the humour of it.
PISTOL
O braggart vile and damned furious wight!The grave doth gape, and doting death is near;Therefore exhale.
BARDOLPH
Hear me, hear me what I say: he that strikes thefirst stroke, I'll run him up to the hilts, as I am a soldier.
Draws
PISTOL
An oath of mickle might; and fury shall abate.Give me thy fist, thy fore-foot to me give:Thy spirits are most tall.
NYM
I will cut thy throat, one time or other, in fairterms: that is the humour of it.
PISTOL
'Couple a gorge!'That is the word. I thee defy again.O hound of Crete, think'st thou my spouse to get?No; to the spital go,And from the powdering tub of infamyFetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid's kind,Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse:I have, and I will hold, the quondam QuicklyFor the only she; and--pauca, there's enough. Go to.
Enter the Boy
Boy
Mine host Pistol, you must come to my master, andyou, hostess: he is very sick, and would to bed.Good Bardolph, put thy face between his sheets, anddo the office of a warming-pan. Faith, he's very ill.
BARDOLPH
Away, you rogue!
Hostess
By my troth, he'll yield the crow a pudding one ofthese days. The king has killed his heart. Goodhusband, come home presently.
Exeunt Hostess and Boy
BARDOLPH
Come, shall I make you two friends? We must toFrance together: why the devil should we keepknives to cut one another's throats?
PISTOL
Let floods o'erswell, and fiends for food howl on!
NYM
You'll pay me the eight shillings I won of you at betting?
PISTOL
Base is the slave that pays.
NYM
That now I will have: that's the humour of it.
PISTOL
As manhood shall compound: push home.
They draw
BARDOLPH
By this sword, he that makes the first thrust, I'llkill him; by this sword, I will.
PISTOL
Sword is an oath, and oaths must have their course.
BARDOLPH
Corporal Nym, an thou wilt be friends, be friends:an thou wilt not, why, then, be enemies with me too.Prithee, put up.
NYM
I shall have my eight shillings I won of you at betting?
PISTOL
A noble shalt thou have, and present pay;And liquor likewise will I give to thee,And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood:I'll live by Nym, and Nym shall live by me;Is not this just? for I shall sutler beUnto the camp, and profits will accrue.Give me thy hand.
NYM
I shall have my noble?
PISTOL
In cash most justly paid.
NYM
Well, then, that's the humour of't.
Re-enter Hostess
Hostess
As ever you came of women, come in quickly to SirJohn. Ah, poor heart! he is so shaked of a burningquotidian tertian, that it is most lamentable tobehold. Sweet men, come to him.
NYM
The king hath run bad humours on the knight; that'sthe even of it.
PISTOL
Nym, thou hast spoke the right;His heart is fracted and corroborate.
NYM
The king is a good king: but it must be as it may;he passes some humours and careers.
PISTOL
Let us condole the knight; for, lambkins we will live.