Henry V — Act 5, Scene 1 · Shakespeare for Bharat

GOWER

Nay, that's right; but why wear you your leek today?Saint Davy's day is past.

FLUELLEN

There is occasions and causes why and wherefore inall things: I will tell you, asse my friend,Captain Gower: the rascally, scald, beggarly,lousy, pragging knave, Pistol, which you andyourself and all the world know to be no petterthan a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he iscome to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday,look you, and bid me eat my leek: it was in placewhere I could not breed no contention with him; butI will be so bold as to wear it in my cap till I seehim once again, and then I will tell him a littlepiece of my desires.

GOWER

Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.

FLUELLEN

'Tis no matter for his swellings nor histurkey-cocks. God pless you, Aunchient Pistol! youscurvy, lousy knave, God pless you!

PISTOL

Ha! art thou bedlam? dost thou thirst, base Trojan,To have me fold up Parca's fatal web?Hence! I am qualmish at the smell of leek.

FLUELLEN

I peseech you heartily, scurvy, lousy knave, at mydesires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat,look you, this leek: because, look you, you do notlove it, nor your affections and your appetites andyour digestions doo's not agree with it, I woulddesire you to eat it.

PISTOL

Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.

FLUELLEN

There is one goat for you.

FLUELLEN

Will you be so good, scauld knave, as eat it?

PISTOL

Base Trojan, thou shalt die.

FLUELLEN

You say very true, scauld knave, when God's will is:I will desire you to live in the mean time, and eatyour victuals: come, there is sauce for it.

FLUELLEN

You called me yesterday mountain-squire; but I willmake you to-day a squire of low degree. I pray you,fall to: if you can mock a leek, you can eat a leek.

GOWER

Enough, captain: you have astonished him.

FLUELLEN

I say, I will make him eat some part of my leek, orI will peat his pate four days. Bite, I pray you; itis good for your green wound and your ploody coxcomb.

PISTOL

Must I bite?

FLUELLEN

Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of questiontoo, and ambiguities.

PISTOL

By this leek, I will most horribly revenge: I eatand eat, I swear--

FLUELLEN

Eat, I pray you: will you have some more sauce toyour leek? there is not enough leek to swear by.

PISTOL

Quiet thy cudgel; thou dost see I eat.

FLUELLEN

Much good do you, scauld knave, heartily. Nay, prayyou, throw none away; the skin is good for yourbroken coxcomb. When you take occasions to see leekshereafter, I pray you, mock at 'em; that is all.

PISTOL

Good.

FLUELLEN

Ay, leeks is good: hold you, there is a groat toheal your pate.

PISTOL

Me a groat!

FLUELLEN

Yes, verily and in truth, you shall take it; or Ihave another leek in my pocket, which you shall eat.

PISTOL

I take thy groat in earnest of revenge.

FLUELLEN

If I owe you any thing, I will pay you in cudgels:you shall be a woodmonger, and buy nothing of me butcudgels. God b' wi' you, and keep you, and heal your pate.

PISTOL

All hell shall stir for this.

GOWER

Go, go; you are a counterfeit cowardly knave. Willyou mock at an ancient tradition, begun upon anhonourable respect, and worn as a memorable trophy ofpredeceased valour and dare not avouch in your deedsany of your words? I have seen you gleeking andgalling at this gentleman twice or thrice. Youthought, because he could not speak English in thenative garb, he could not therefore handle anEnglish cudgel: you find it otherwise; andhenceforth let a Welsh correction teach you a goodEnglish condition. Fare ye well.

PISTOL

Doth Fortune play the huswife with me now?News have I, that my Nell is dead i' the spitalOf malady of France;And there my rendezvous is quite cut off.Old I do wax; and from my weary limbsHonour is cudgelled. Well, bawd I'll turn,And something lean to cutpurse of quick hand.To England will I steal, and there I'll steal:And patches will I get unto these cudgell'd scars,And swear I got them in the Gallia wars.