Love's Labours Lost — Act 4, Scene 2 · Shakespeare for Bharat

SIR NATHANIEL

Very reverend sport, truly; and done in the testimonyof a good conscience.

HOLOFERNES

The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripeas the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel inthe ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven;and anon falleth like a crab on the face of terra,the soil, the land, the earth.

SIR NATHANIEL

Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetlyvaried, like a scholar at the least: but, sir, Iassure ye, it was a buck of the first head.

HOLOFERNES

Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.

DULL

'Twas not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.

HOLOFERNES

Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind ofinsinuation, as it were, in via, in way, ofexplication; facere, as it were, replication, orrather, ostentare, to show, as it were, hisinclination, after his undressed, unpolished,uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or rather,unlettered, or ratherest, unconfirmed fashion, toinsert again my haud credo for a deer.

DULL

I said the deer was not a haud credo; twas a pricket.

HOLOFERNES

Twice-sod simplicity, his coctus!O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!

SIR NATHANIEL

Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bredin a book; he hath not eat paper, as it were; hehath not drunk ink: his intellect is notreplenished; he is only an animal, only sensible inthe duller parts:And such barren plants are set before us, that wethankful should be,Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts thatdo fructify in us more than he.For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool,So were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school:But omne bene, say I; being of an old father's mind,Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.

DULL

You two are book-men: can you tell me by your witWhat was a month old at Cain's birth, that's not fiveweeks old as yet?

HOLOFERNES

Dictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.

DULL

What is Dictynna?

SIR NATHANIEL

A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.

HOLOFERNES

The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,And raught not to five weeks when he came tofive-score.The allusion holds in the exchange.

DULL

'Tis true indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.

HOLOFERNES

God comfort thy capacity! I say, the allusion holdsin the exchange.

DULL

And I say, the pollusion holds in the exchange; forthe moon is never but a month old: and I say besidethat, 'twas a pricket that the princess killed.

HOLOFERNES

Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaphon the death of the deer? And, to humour theignorant, call I the deer the princess killed a pricket.

SIR NATHANIEL

Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge; so it shallplease you to abrogate scurrility.

HOLOFERNES

I will something affect the letter, for it argues facility.The preyful princess pierced and prick'd a prettypleasing pricket;Some say a sore; but not a sore, till now madesore with shooting.The dogs did yell: put L to sore, then sorel jumpsfrom thicket;Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting.If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty soresone sorel.Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one more L.

SIR NATHANIEL

A rare talent!

DULL

[Aside] If a talent be a claw, look how he clawshim with a talent.

HOLOFERNES

This is a gift that I have, simple, simple; afoolish extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures,shapes, objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions,revolutions: these are begot in the ventricle ofmemory, nourished in the womb of pia mater, anddelivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But thegift is good in those in whom it is acute, and I amthankful for it.

SIR NATHANIEL

Sir, I praise the Lord for you; and so may myparishioners; for their sons are well tutored byyou, and their daughters profit very greatly underyou: you are a good member of the commonwealth.

HOLOFERNES

Mehercle, if their sons be ingenuous, they shallwant no instruction; if their daughters be capable,I will put it to them: but vir sapit qui paucaloquitur; a soul feminine saluteth us.

JAQUENETTA

God give you good morrow, master Parson.

HOLOFERNES

Master Parson, quasi pers-on. An if one should bepierced, which is the one?

COSTARD

Marry, master schoolmaster, he that is likest to a hogshead.

HOLOFERNES

Piercing a hogshead! a good lustre of conceit in atuft of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enoughfor a swine: 'tis pretty; it is well.

JAQUENETTA

Good master Parson, be so good as read me thisletter: it was given me by Costard, and sent mefrom Don Armado: I beseech you, read it.

HOLOFERNES

Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbraRuminat,--and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! Imay speak of thee as the traveller doth of Venice;Venetia, Venetia,Chi non ti vede non ti pretia.Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! who understandeth theenot, loves thee not. Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa.Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? or rather,as Horace says in his--What, my soul, verses?

SIR NATHANIEL

Ay, sir, and very learned.

HOLOFERNES

Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege, domine.

SIR NATHANIEL

[Reads]If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vow'd!Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove:Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee likeosiers bow'd.Study his bias leaves and makes his book thine eyes,Where all those pleasures live that art wouldcomprehend:If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice;Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend,All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder;Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire:Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder,Which not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire.Celestial as thou art, O, pardon, love, this wrong,That sings heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.

HOLOFERNES

You find not the apostraphas, and so miss theaccent: let me supervise the canzonet. Here areonly numbers ratified; but, for the elegancy,facility, and golden cadence of poesy, caret.Ovidius Naso was the man: and why, indeed, Naso,but for smelling out the odouriferous flowers offancy, the jerks of invention? Imitari is nothing:so doth the hound his master, the ape his keeper,the tired horse his rider. But, damosella virgin,was this directed to you?

JAQUENETTA

Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Biron, one of the strangequeen's lords.

HOLOFERNES

I will overglance the superscript: 'To thesnow-white hand of the most beauteous LadyRosaline.' I will look again on the intellect ofthe letter, for the nomination of the party writingto the person written unto: 'Your ladyship's in alldesired employment, BIRON.' Sir Nathaniel, thisBiron is one of the votaries with the king; and herehe hath framed a letter to a sequent of the strangerqueen's, which accidentally, or by the way ofprogression, hath miscarried. Trip and go, mysweet; deliver this paper into the royal hand of theking: it may concern much. Stay not thycompliment; I forgive thy duty; adieu.

JAQUENETTA

Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!

COSTARD

Have with thee, my girl.

SIR NATHANIEL

Sir, you have done this in the fear of God, veryreligiously; and, as a certain father saith,--

HOLOFERNES

Sir tell me not of the father; I do fear colourablecolours. But to return to the verses: did theyplease you, Sir Nathaniel?

SIR NATHANIEL

Marvellous well for the pen.

HOLOFERNES

I do dine to-day at the father's of a certain pupilof mine; where, if, before repast, it shall pleaseyou to gratify the table with a grace, I will, on myprivilege I have with the parents of the foresaidchild or pupil, undertake your ben venuto; where Iwill prove those verses to be very unlearned,neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor invention: Ibeseech your society.

SIR NATHANIEL

And thank you too; for society, saith the text, isthe happiness of life.

HOLOFERNES

And, certes, the text most infallibly concludes it.

HOLOFERNES

Sir, I do invite you too; you shall notsay me nay: pauca verba. Away! the gentles are attheir game, and we will to our recreation.

HOLOFERNES

LOVE'S LABOURS LOST