Much Ado About Nothing — Act 3, Scene 2

DON PEDRO

I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, andthen go I toward Arragon.

CLAUDIO

I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'llvouchsafe me.

DON PEDRO

Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new glossof your marriage as to show a child his new coatand forbid him to wear it. I will only be boldwith Benedick for his company; for, from the crownof his head to the sole of his foot, he is allmirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid'sbow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot athim; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and histongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks histongue speaks.

BENEDICK

Gallants, I am not as I have been.

LEONATO

So say I methinks you are sadder.

CLAUDIO

I hope he be in love.

DON PEDRO

Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood inhim, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad,he wants money.

BENEDICK

I have the toothache.

DON PEDRO

Draw it.

BENEDICK

Hang it!

CLAUDIO

You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.

DON PEDRO

What! sigh for the toothache?

LEONATO

Where is but a humour or a worm.

BENEDICK

Well, every one can master a grief but he that hasit.

CLAUDIO

Yet say I, he is in love.

DON PEDRO

There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it bea fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to bea Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in theshape of two countries at once, as, a German fromthe waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard fromthe hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancyto this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is nofool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.

CLAUDIO

If he be not in love with some woman, there is nobelieving old signs: a' brushes his hat o'mornings; what should that bode?

DON PEDRO

Hath any man seen him at the barber's?

CLAUDIO

No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him,and the old ornament of his cheek hath alreadystuffed tennis-balls.

LEONATO

Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.

DON PEDRO

Nay, a' rubs himself with civet: can you smell himout by that?

CLAUDIO

That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love.

DON PEDRO

The greatest note of it is his melancholy.

CLAUDIO

And when was he wont to wash his face?

DON PEDRO

Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hearwhat they say of him.

CLAUDIO

Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept intoa lute-string and now governed by stops.

DON PEDRO

Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude,conclude he is in love.

CLAUDIO

Nay, but I know who loves him.

DON PEDRO

That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.

CLAUDIO

Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite ofall, dies for him.

DON PEDRO

She shall be buried with her face upwards.

BENEDICK

Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Oldsignior, walk aside with me: I have studied eightor nine wise words to speak to you, which thesehobby-horses must not hear.

DON PEDRO

For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.

CLAUDIO

'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by thisplayed their parts with Beatrice; and then the twobears will not bite one another when they meet.

DON JOHN

My lord and brother, God save you!

DON PEDRO

Good den, brother.

DON JOHN

If your leisure served, I would speak with you.

DON PEDRO

In private?

DON JOHN

If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; forwhat I would speak of concerns him.

DON PEDRO

What's the matter?

DON JOHN

[To CLAUDIO] Means your lordship to be marriedto-morrow?

DON PEDRO

You know he does.

DON JOHN

I know not that, when he knows what I know.

CLAUDIO

If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.

DON JOHN

You may think I love you not: let that appearhereafter, and aim better at me by that I now willmanifest. For my brother, I think he holds youwell, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effectyour ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent andlabour ill bestowed.

DON PEDRO

Why, what's the matter?

DON JOHN

I came hither to tell you; and, circumstancesshortened, for she has been too long a talking of,the lady is disloyal.

CLAUDIO

Who, Hero?

DON PEDRO

Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero:

CLAUDIO

Disloyal?

DON JOHN

The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; Icould say she were worse: think you of a worsetitle, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not tillfurther warrant: go but with me to-night, you shallsee her chamber-window entered, even the nightbefore her wedding-day: if you love her then,to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honourto change your mind.

CLAUDIO

May this be so?

DON PEDRO

I will not think it.

DON JOHN

If you dare not trust that you see, confess notthat you know: if you will follow me, I will showyou enough; and when you have seen more and heardmore, proceed accordingly.

CLAUDIO

If I see any thing to-night why I should not marryher to-morrow in the congregation, where I shouldwed, there will I shame her.

DON PEDRO

And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will joinwith thee to disgrace her.

DON JOHN

I will disparage her no farther till you are mywitnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, andlet the issue show itself.

DON PEDRO

O day untowardly turned!

CLAUDIO

O mischief strangely thwarting!

DON JOHN

O plague right well prevented! so will you say whenyou have seen the sequel.