Act IV · Scene I
PETRUCHIO'S country house.
Hover a speech to translate it — or press play to hear it performed.
Enter GRUMIO
GRUMIO
Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, andall foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? was everman so rayed? was ever man so weary? I am sentbefore to make a fire, and they are coming after towarm them. Now, were not I a little pot and soonhot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, mytongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in mybelly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me: butI, with blowing the fire, shall warm myself; for,considering the weather, a taller man than I willtake cold. Holla, ho! Curtis.
Enter CURTIS
CURTIS
Who is that calls so coldly?
GRUMIO
A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slidefrom my shoulder to my heel with no greater a runbut my head and my neck. A fire good Curtis.
CURTIS
Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
GRUMIO
O, ay, Curtis, ay: and therefore fire, fire; caston no water.
CURTIS
Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?
GRUMIO
She was, good Curtis, before this frost: but, thouknowest, winter tames man, woman and beast; for ithath tamed my old master and my new mistress andmyself, fellow Curtis.
CURTIS
Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.
GRUMIO
Am I but three inches? why, thy horn is a foot; andso long am I at the least. But wilt thou make afire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress,whose hand, she being now at hand, thou shalt soonfeel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?
CURTIS
I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?
GRUMIO
A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; andtherefore fire: do thy duty, and have thy duty; formy master and mistress are almost frozen to death.
CURTIS
There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news.
GRUMIO
Why, 'Jack, boy! ho! boy!' and as much news aswill thaw.
CURTIS
Come, you are so full of cony-catching!
GRUMIO
Why, therefore fire; for I have caught extreme cold.Where's the cook? is supper ready, the housetrimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept; theserving-men in their new fustian, their whitestockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on?Be the jacks fair within, the jills fair without,the carpets laid, and every thing in order?
CURTIS
All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.
GRUMIO
First, know, my horse is tired; my master andmistress fallen out.
CURTIS
How?
GRUMIO
Out of their saddles into the dirt; and therebyhangs a tale.
CURTIS
Let's ha't, good Grumio.
GRUMIO
Lend thine ear.
CURTIS
Here.
GRUMIO
There.
Strikes him
CURTIS
This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
GRUMIO
And therefore 'tis called a sensible tale: and thiscuff was but to knock at your ear, and beseechlistening. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down afoul hill, my master riding behind my mistress,--
CURTIS
Both of one horse?
GRUMIO
What's that to thee?
CURTIS
Why, a horse.
GRUMIO
Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me,thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and sheunder her horse; thou shouldst have heard in howmiry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he left herwith the horse upon her, how he beat me becauseher horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirtto pluck him off me, how he swore, how she prayed,that never prayed before, how I cried, how thehorses ran away, how her bridle was burst, how Ilost my crupper, with many things of worthy memory,which now shall die in oblivion and thou returnunexperienced to thy grave.
CURTIS
By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.
GRUMIO
Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shallfind when he comes home. But what talk I of this?Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip,Walter, Sugarsop and the rest: let their heads besleekly combed their blue coats brushed and theirgarters of an indifferent knit: let them curtsywith their left legs and not presume to touch a hairof my master's horse-tail till they kiss theirhands. Are they all ready?
CURTIS
They are.
GRUMIO
Call them forth.
CURTIS
Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master tocountenance my mistress.
GRUMIO
Why, she hath a face of her own.
CURTIS
Who knows not that?
GRUMIO
Thou, it seems, that calls for company tocountenance her.
CURTIS
I call them forth to credit her.
GRUMIO
Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
Enter four or five Serving-men
NATHANIEL
Welcome home, Grumio!
PHILIP
How now, Grumio!
JOSEPH
What, Grumio!
NICHOLAS
Fellow Grumio!
NATHANIEL
How now, old lad?
GRUMIO
Welcome, you;--how now, you;-- what, you;--fellow,you;--and thus much for greeting. Now, my sprucecompanions, is all ready, and all things neat?
NATHANIEL
All things is ready. How near is our master?
GRUMIO
E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore benot--Cock's passion, silence! I hear my master.
Enter PETRUCHIO and KATHARINA
PETRUCHIO
Where be these knaves? What, no man at doorTo hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?ALL SERVING-MEN Here, here, sir; here, sir.
PETRUCHIO
Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!You logger-headed and unpolish'd grooms!What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
GRUMIO
Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.
PETRUCHIO
You peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!Did I not bid thee meet me in the park,And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?
GRUMIO
Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made,And Gabriel's pumps were all unpink'd i' the heel;There was no link to colour Peter's hat,And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing:There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.
PETRUCHIO
Go, rascals, go, and fetch my supper in.
Exeunt Servants
Singing
PETRUCHIO
Where is the life that late I led--Where are those--Sit down, Kate, and welcome.--Sound, sound, sound, sound!
Re-enter Servants with supper
PETRUCHIO
Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains, when?
Sings
PETRUCHIO
It was the friar of orders grey,As he forth walked on his way:--Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.
Strikes him
PETRUCHIO
Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho!Where's my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:One, Kate, that you must kiss, and be acquainted with.Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?
Enter one with water
PETRUCHIO
Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.You whoreson villain! will you let it fall?
Strikes him
KATHARINA
Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.
PETRUCHIO
A whoreson beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave!Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.Will you give thanks, sweet Kate; or else shall I?What's this? mutton?
First Servant
Ay.
PETRUCHIO
Who brought it?
PETER
I.
PETRUCHIO
'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,And serve it thus to me that love it not?Theretake it to you, trenchers, cups, and all;
Throws the meat, & c. about the stage
PETRUCHIO
You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves!What, do you grumble? I'll be with you straight.
KATHARINA
I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet:The meat was well, if you were so contented.
PETRUCHIO
I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away;And I expressly am forbid to touch it,For it engenders choler, planteth anger;And better 'twere that both of us did fast,Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.Be patient; to-morrow 't shall be mended,And, for this night, we'll fast for company:Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.
Exeunt
Re-enter Servants severally
NATHANIEL
Peter, didst ever see the like?
PETER
He kills her in her own humour.
Re-enter CURTIS
GRUMIO
Where is he?
CURTIS
In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her;And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,And sits as one new-risen from a dream.Away, away! for he is coming hither.
Exeunt
Re-enter PETRUCHIO
PETRUCHIO
Thus have I politicly begun my reign,And 'tis my hope to end successfully.My falcon now is sharp and passing empty;And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,For then she never looks upon her lure.Another way I have to man my haggard,To make her come and know her keeper's call,That is, to watch her, as we watch these kitesThat bate and beat and will not be obedient.She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;As with the meat, some undeserved faultI'll find about the making of the bed;And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,This way the coverlet, another way the sheets:Ay, and amid this hurly I intendThat all is done in reverend care of her;And in conclusion she shall watch all night:And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawlAnd with the clamour keep her still awake.This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.He that knows better how to tame a shrew,Now let him speak: 'tis charity to show.
Exit