Troilus and Cressida — Act 3, Scene 1

PANDARUS

Friend, you! pray you, a word: do not you followthe young Lord Paris?

Servant

Ay, sir, when he goes before me.

PANDARUS

You depend upon him, I mean?

Servant

Sir, I do depend upon the lord.

PANDARUS

You depend upon a noble gentleman; I must needspraise him.

Servant

The lord be praised!

PANDARUS

You know me, do you not?

Servant

Faith, sir, superficially.

PANDARUS

Friend, know me better; I am the Lord Pandarus.

Servant

I hope I shall know your honour better.

PANDARUS

I do desire it.

Servant

You are in the state of grace.

PANDARUS

Grace! not so, friend: honour and lordship are my titles.

PANDARUS

What music is this?

Servant

I do but partly know, sir: it is music in parts.

PANDARUS

Know you the musicians?

Servant

Wholly, sir.

PANDARUS

Who play they to?

Servant

To the hearers, sir.

PANDARUS

At whose pleasure, friend

Servant

At mine, sir, and theirs that love music.

PANDARUS

Command, I mean, friend.

Servant

Who shall I command, sir?

PANDARUS

Friend, we understand not one another: I am toocourtly and thou art too cunning. At whose requestdo these men play?

Servant

That's to 't indeed, sir: marry, sir, at the requestof Paris my lord, who's there in person; with him,the mortal Venus, the heart-blood of beauty, love'sinvisible soul,--

PANDARUS

Who, my cousin Cressida?

Servant

No, sir, Helen: could you not find out that by herattributes?

PANDARUS

It should seem, fellow, that thou hast not seen theLady Cressida. I come to speak with Paris from thePrince Troilus: I will make a complimental assaultupon him, for my business seethes.

Servant

Sodden business! there's a stewed phrase indeed!

PANDARUS

Fair be to you, my lord, and to all this faircompany! fair desires, in all fair measure,fairly guide them! especially to you, fair queen!fair thoughts be your fair pillow!

HELEN

Dear lord, you are full of fair words.

PANDARUS

You speak your fair pleasure, sweet queen. Fairprince, here is good broken music.

PARIS

You have broke it, cousin: and, by my life, youshall make it whole again; you shall piece it outwith a piece of your performance. Nell, he is fullof harmony.

PANDARUS

Truly, lady, no.

HELEN

O, sir,--

PANDARUS

Rude, in sooth; in good sooth, very rude.

PARIS

Well said, my lord! well, you say so in fits.

PANDARUS

I have business to my lord, dear queen. My lord,will you vouchsafe me a word?

HELEN

Nay, this shall not hedge us out: we'll hear yousing, certainly.

PANDARUS

Well, sweet queen. you are pleasant with me. But,marry, thus, my lord: my dear lord and most esteemedfriend, your brother Troilus,--

HELEN

My Lord Pandarus; honey-sweet lord,--

PANDARUS

Go to, sweet queen, to go:--commends himself mostaffectionately to you,--

HELEN

You shall not bob us out of our melody: if you do,our melancholy upon your head!

PANDARUS

Sweet queen, sweet queen! that's a sweet queen, i' faith.

HELEN

And to make a sweet lady sad is a sour offence.

PANDARUS

Nay, that shall not serve your turn; that shall not,in truth, la. Nay, I care not for such words; no,no. And, my lord, he desires you, that if the kingcall for him at supper, you will make his excuse.

HELEN

My Lord Pandarus,--

PANDARUS

What says my sweet queen, my very very sweet queen?

PARIS

What exploit's in hand? where sups he to-night?

HELEN

Nay, but, my lord,--

PANDARUS

What says my sweet queen? My cousin will fall outwith you. You must not know where he sups.

PARIS

I'll lay my life, with my disposer Cressida.

PANDARUS

No, no, no such matter; you are wide: come, yourdisposer is sick.

PARIS

Well, I'll make excuse.

PANDARUS

Ay, good my lord. Why should you say Cressida? no,your poor disposer's sick.

PARIS

I spy.

PANDARUS

You spy! what do you spy? Come, give me aninstrument. Now, sweet queen.

HELEN

Why, this is kindly done.

PANDARUS

My niece is horribly in love with a thing you have,sweet queen.

HELEN

She shall have it, my lord, if it be not my lord Paris.

PANDARUS

He! no, she'll none of him; they two are twain.

HELEN

Falling in, after falling out, may make them three.

PANDARUS

Come, come, I'll hear no more of this; I'll singyou a song now.

HELEN

Ay, ay, prithee now. By my troth, sweet lord, thouhast a fine forehead.

PANDARUS

Ay, you may, you may.

HELEN

Let thy song be love: this love will undo us all.O Cupid, Cupid, Cupid!

PANDARUS

Love! ay, that it shall, i' faith.

PARIS

Ay, good now, love, love, nothing but love.

PANDARUS

In good troth, it begins so.

PANDARUS

Love, love, nothing but love, still more!For, O, love's bowShoots buck and doe:The shaft confounds,Not that it wounds,But tickles still the sore.These lovers cry Oh! oh! they die!Yet that which seems the wound to kill,Doth turn oh! oh! to ha! ha! he!So dying love lives still:Oh! oh! a while, but ha! ha! ha!Oh! oh! groans out for ha! ha! ha!Heigh-ho!

HELEN

In love, i' faith, to the very tip of the nose.

PARIS

He eats nothing but doves, love, and that breeds hotblood, and hot blood begets hot thoughts, and hotthoughts beget hot deeds, and hot deeds is love.

PANDARUS

Is this the generation of love? hot blood, hotthoughts, and hot deeds? Why, they are vipers:is love a generation of vipers? Sweet lord, who'sa-field to-day?

PARIS

Hector, Deiphobus, Helenus, Antenor, and all thegallantry of Troy: I would fain have armed to-day,but my Nell would not have it so. How chance mybrother Troilus went not?

HELEN

He hangs the lip at something: you know all, Lord Pandarus.

PANDARUS

Not I, honey-sweet queen. I long to hear how theysped to-day. You'll remember your brother's excuse?

PARIS

To a hair.

PANDARUS

Farewell, sweet queen.

HELEN

Commend me to your niece.

PANDARUS

I will, sweet queen.

PARIS

They're come from field: let us to Priam's hall,To greet the warriors. Sweet Helen, I must woo youTo help unarm our Hector: his stubborn buckles,With these your white enchanting fingers touch'd,Shall more obey than to the edge of steelOr force of Greekish sinews; you shall do moreThan all the island kings,--disarm great Hector.

HELEN

'Twill make us proud to be his servant, Paris;Yea, what he shall receive of us in dutyGives us more palm in beauty than we have,Yea, overshines ourself.

PARIS

Sweet, above thought I love thee.