Act III · Scene IV
OLIVIA's garden.
Hover a speech to translate it — or press play to hear it performed.
Enter OLIVIA and MARIA
OLIVIA
I have sent after him: he says he'll come;How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.I speak too loud.Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil,And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:Where is Malvolio?
MARIA
He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. Heis, sure, possessed, madam.
OLIVIA
Why, what's the matter? does he rave?
MARIA
No. madam, he does nothing but smile: yourladyship were best to have some guard about you, ifhe come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits.
OLIVIA
Go call him hither.
Exit MARIA
OLIVIA
I am as mad as he,If sad and merry madness equal be.
Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO
OLIVIA
How now, Malvolio!
MALVOLIO
Sweet lady, ho, ho.
OLIVIA
Smilest thou?I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
MALVOLIO
Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make someobstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; butwhat of that? if it please the eye of one, it iswith me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, andplease all.'
OLIVIA
Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
MALVOLIO
Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. Itdid come to his hands, and commands shall beexecuted: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
OLIVIA
Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.
OLIVIA
God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kissthy hand so oft?
MARIA
How do you, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.
MARIA
Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?
MALVOLIO
'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ.
OLIVIA
What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
'Some are born great,'--
OLIVIA
Ha!
MALVOLIO
'Some achieve greatness,'--
OLIVIA
What sayest thou?
MALVOLIO
'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'
OLIVIA
Heaven restore thee!
MALVOLIO
'Remember who commended thy yellow stocking s,'--
OLIVIA
Thy yellow stockings!
MALVOLIO
'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'
OLIVIA
Cross-gartered!
MALVOLIO
'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'--
OLIVIA
Am I made?
MALVOLIO
'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'
OLIVIA
Why, this is very midsummer madness.
Enter Servant
Servant
Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's isreturned: I could hardly entreat him back: heattends your ladyship's pleasure.
OLIVIA
I'll come to him.
Exit Servant
OLIVIA
Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where'smy cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a specialcare of him: I would not have him miscarry for thehalf of my dowry.
Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA
MALVOLIO
O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man thanSir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly withthe letter: she sends him on purpose, that I mayappear stubborn to him; for she incites me to thatin the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she;'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants;let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; putthyself into the trick of singularity;' andconsequently sets down the manner how; as, a sadface, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in thehabit of some sir of note, and so forth. I havelimed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make methankful! And when she went away now, 'Let thisfellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, norafter my degree, but fellow. Why, every thingadheres together, that no dram of a scruple, noscruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulousor unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothingthat can be can come between me and the fullprospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is thedoer of this, and he is to be thanked.
Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
SIR TOBY BELCH
Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If allthe devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legionhimself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.
FABIAN
Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?how is't with you, man?
MALVOLIO
Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: gooff.
MARIA
Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did notI tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have acare of him.
MALVOLIO
Ah, ha! does she so?
SIR TOBY BELCH
Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gentlywith him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? howis't with you? What, man! defy the devil:consider, he's an enemy to mankind.
MALVOLIO
Do you know what you say?
MARIA
La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takesit at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!
FABIAN
Carry his water to the wise woman.
MARIA
Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if Ilive. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.
MALVOLIO
How now, mistress!
MARIA
O Lord!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: doyou not see you move him? let me alone with him.
FABIAN
No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend isrough, and will not be roughly used.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?
MALVOLIO
Sir!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not forgravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hanghim, foul collier!
MARIA
Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.
MALVOLIO
My prayers, minx!
MARIA
No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
MALVOLIO
Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallowthings: I am not of your element: you shall knowmore hereafter.
Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH
Is't possible?
FABIAN
If this were played upon a stage now, I couldcondemn it as an improbable fiction.
SIR TOBY BELCH
His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.
MARIA
Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.
FABIAN
Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
MARIA
The house will be the quieter.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. Myniece is already in the belief that he's mad: wemay carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,till our very pastime, tired out of breath, promptus to have mercy on him: at which time we willbring the device to the bar and crown thee for afinder of madmen. But see, but see.
Enter SIR ANDREW
FABIAN
More matter for a May morning.
SIR ANDREW
Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there'svinegar and pepper in't.
FABIAN
Is't so saucy?
SIR ANDREW
Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Give me.
Reads
SIR TOBY BELCH
'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'
FABIAN
Good, and valiant.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads] 'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'
FABIAN
A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads] 'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in mysight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thythroat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'
FABIAN
Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads] 'I will waylay thee going home; where if itbe thy chance to kill me,'--
FABIAN
Good.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads] 'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'
FABIAN
Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads] 'Fare thee well; and God have mercy uponone of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; butmy hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thyfriend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,ANDREW AGUECHEEK.If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:I'll give't him.
MARIA
You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now insome commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner theorchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seesthim, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; forit comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with aswaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhoodmore approbation than ever proof itself would haveearned him. Away!
SIR ANDREW
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH
Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behaviorof the young gentleman gives him out to be of goodcapacity and breeding; his employment between hislord and my niece confirms no less: therefore thisletter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed noterror in the youth: he will find it comes from aclodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge byword of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable reportof valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know hisyouth will aptly receive it, into a most hideousopinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.This will so fright them both that they will killone another by the look, like cockatrices.
Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA
FABIAN
Here he comes with your niece: give them way tillhe take leave, and presently after him.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I will meditate the while upon some horrid messagefor a challenge.
Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA
OLIVIA
I have said too much unto a heart of stoneAnd laid mine honour too unchary out:There's something in me that reproves my fault;But such a headstrong potent fault it is,That it but mocks reproof.
VIOLA
With the same 'havior that your passion bearsGoes on my master's grief.
OLIVIA
Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;And I beseech you come again to-morrow.What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,That honour saved may upon asking give?
VIOLA
Nothing but this; your true love for my master.
OLIVIA
How with mine honour may I give him thatWhich I have given to you?
VIOLA
I will acquit you.
OLIVIA
Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.
Exit
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
SIR TOBY BELCH
Gentleman, God save thee.
VIOLA
And you, sir.
SIR TOBY BELCH
That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of whatnature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I knownot; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody asthe hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, forthy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.
VIOLA
You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrelto me: my remembrance is very free and clear fromany image of offence done to any man.
SIR TOBY BELCH
You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,if you hold your life at any price, betake you toyour guard; for your opposite hath in him whatyouth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.
VIOLA
I pray you, sir, what is he?
SIR TOBY BELCH
He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and oncarpet consideration; but he is a devil in privatebrawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; andhis incensement at this moment is so implacable,that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of deathand sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.
VIOLA
I will return again into the house and desire someconduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heardof some kind of men that put quarrels purposely onothers, to taste their valour: belike this is a manof that quirk.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of avery competent injury: therefore, get you on andgive him his desire. Back you shall not to thehouse, unless you undertake that with me which withas much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle youmust, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
VIOLA
This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do methis courteous office, as to know of the knight whatmy offence to him is: it is something of mynegligence, nothing of my purpose.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by thisgentleman till my return.
Exit
VIOLA
Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
FABIAN
I know the knight is incensed against you, even to amortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.
VIOLA
I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
FABIAN
Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him byhis form, as you are like to find him in the proofof his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,bloody and fatal opposite that you could possiblyhave found in any part of Illyria. Will you walktowards him? I will make your peace with him if Ican.
VIOLA
I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one thathad rather go with sir priest than sir knight: Icare not who knows so much of my mettle.
Exeunt
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW
SIR TOBY BELCH
Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such afirago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard andall, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortalmotion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, hepays you as surely as your feet hit the ground theystep on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
SIR ANDREW
Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian canscarce hold him yonder.
SIR ANDREW
Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and socunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ldhave challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good showon't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.
Aside
SIR TOBY BELCH
Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA
To FABIAN
SIR TOBY BELCH
I have his horse to take up the quarrel:I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.
FABIAN
He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants andlooks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[To VIOLA] There's no remedy, sir; he will fightwith you for's oath sake: marry, he hath betterbethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that nowscarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, forthe supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.
VIOLA
[Aside] Pray God defend me! A little thing wouldmake me tell them how much I lack of a man.
FABIAN
Give ground, if you see him furious.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentlemanwill, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he haspromised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, hewill not hurt you. Come on; to't.
SIR ANDREW
Pray God, he keep his oath!
VIOLA
I do assure you, 'tis against my will.
They draw
Enter ANTONIO
ANTONIO
Put up your sword. If this young gentlemanHave done offence, I take the fault on me:If you offend him, I for him defy you.
SIR TOBY BELCH
You, sir! why, what are you?
ANTONIO
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do moreThan you have heard him brag to you he will.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
They draw
Enter Officers
FABIAN
O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I'll be with you anon.
VIOLA
Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
SIR ANDREW
Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you,I'll be as good as my word: he will bear you easilyand reins well.
First Officer
This is the man; do thy office.
Second Officer
Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.
ANTONIO
You do mistake me, sir.
First Officer
No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.Take him away: he knows I know him well.
ANTONIO
I must obey.
To VIOLA
ANTONIO
This comes with seeking you:But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.What will you do, now my necessityMakes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves meMuch more for what I cannot do for youThan what befalls myself. You stand amazed;But be of comfort.
Second Officer
Come, sir, away.
ANTONIO
I must entreat of you some of that money.
VIOLA
What money, sir?For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,Out of my lean and low abilityI'll lend you something: my having is not much;I'll make division of my present with you:Hold, there's half my coffer.
ANTONIO
Will you deny me now?Is't possible that my deserts to youCan lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,Lest that it make me so unsound a manAs to upbraid you with those kindnessesThat I have done for you.
VIOLA
I know of none;Nor know I you by voice or any feature:I hate ingratitude more in a manThan lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,Or any taint of vice whose strong corruptionInhabits our frail blood.
ANTONIO
O heavens themselves!
Second Officer
Come, sir, I pray you, go.
ANTONIO
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see hereI snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,Relieved him with such sanctity of love,And to his image, which methought did promiseMost venerable worth, did I devotion.
First Officer
What's that to us? The time goes by: away!
ANTONIO
But O how vile an idol proves this godThou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.In nature there's no blemish but the mind;None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evilAre empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.
First Officer
The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.
ANTONIO
Lead me on.
Exit with Officers
VIOLA
Methinks his words do from such passion fly,That he believes himself: so do not I.Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'llwhisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
VIOLA
He named Sebastian: I my brother knowYet living in my glass; even such and soIn favour was my brother, and he wentStill in this fashion, colour, ornament,For him I imitate: O, if it prove,Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.
Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward thana hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving hisfriend here in necessity and denying him; and forhis cowardship, ask Fabian.
FABIAN
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
SIR ANDREW
'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
SIR ANDREW
An I do not,--
FABIAN
Come, let's see the event.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.
Exeunt