Two Gentlemen of Verona — Act 2, Scene 3

LAUNCE

Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping;all the kind of the Launces have this very fault. Ihave received my proportion, like the prodigiousson, and am going with Sir Proteus to the Imperial'scourt. I think Crab, my dog, be the sourest-natureddog that lives: my mother weeping, my fatherwailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our catwringing her hands, and all our house in a greatperplexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shedone tear: he is a stone, a very pebble stone, andhas no more pity in him than a dog: a Jew would havewept to have seen our parting; why, my grandam,having no eyes, look you, wept herself blind at myparting. Nay, I'll show you the manner of it. Thisshoe is my father: no, this left shoe is my father:no, no, this left shoe is my mother: nay, thatcannot be so neither: yes, it is so, it is so, ithath the worser sole. This shoe, with the hole init, is my mother, and this my father; a vengeanceon't! there 'tis: now, sit, this staff is mysister, for, look you, she is as white as a lily andas small as a wand: this hat is Nan, our maid: Iam the dog: no, the dog is himself, and I am thedog--Oh! the dog is me, and I am myself; ay, so,so. Now come I to my father; Father, your blessing:now should not the shoe speak a word for weeping:now should I kiss my father; well, he weeps on. Nowcome I to my mother: O, that she could speak nowlike a wood woman! Well, I kiss her; why, there'tis; here's my mother's breath up and down. Nowcome I to my sister; mark the moan she makes. Nowthe dog all this while sheds not a tear nor speaks aword; but see how I lay the dust with my tears.

PANTHINO

Launce, away, away, aboard! thy master is shippedand thou art to post after with oars. What's thematter? why weepest thou, man? Away, ass! You'lllose the tide, if you tarry any longer.

LAUNCE

It is no matter if the tied were lost; for it is theunkindest tied that ever any man tied.

PANTHINO

What's the unkindest tide?

LAUNCE

Why, he that's tied here, Crab, my dog.

PANTHINO

Tut, man, I mean thou'lt lose the flood, and, inlosing the flood, lose thy voyage, and, in losingthy voyage, lose thy master, and, in losing thymaster, lose thy service, and, in losing thyservice,--Why dost thou stop my mouth?

LAUNCE

For fear thou shouldst lose thy tongue.

PANTHINO

Where should I lose my tongue?

LAUNCE

In thy tale.

PANTHINO

In thy tail!

LAUNCE

Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, andthe service, and the tied! Why, man, if the riverwere dry, I am able to fill it with my tears; if thewind were down, I could drive the boat with my sighs.

PANTHINO

Come, come away, man; I was sent to call thee.

LAUNCE

Sir, call me what thou darest.

PANTHINO

Wilt thou go?

LAUNCE

Well, I will go.