Act I · Scene IV
A room in DOCTOR CAIUS' house.
Hover a speech to translate it — or press play to hear it performed.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY
MISTRESS QUICKLY
What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,and see if you can see my master, Master DoctorCaius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing ofGod's patience and the king's English.
RUGBY
I'll go watch.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, infaith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
Exit RUGBY
MISTRESS QUICKLY
An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servantshall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, notell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,that he is given to prayer; he is something peevishthat way: but nobody but has his fault; but letthat pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
SIMPLE
Ay, for fault of a better.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
And Master Slender's your master?
SIMPLE
Ay, forsooth.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Does he not wear a great round beard, like aglover's paring-knife?
SIMPLE
No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with alittle yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
SIMPLE
Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his handsas any is between this and his head; he hath foughtwith a warrener.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
How say you? O, I should remember him: does he nothold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
SIMPLE
Yes, indeed, does he.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! TellMaster Parson Evans I will do what I can for yourmaster: Anne is a good girl, and I wish--
Re-enter RUGBY
RUGBY
Out, alas! here comes my master.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;go into this closet: he will not stay long.
Shuts SIMPLE in the closet
MISTRESS QUICKLY
What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubthe be not well, that he comes not home.
Singing
MISTRESS QUICKLY
And down, down, adown-a, & c.
Enter DOCTOR CAIUS
DOCTOR CAIUS
Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.
Aside
MISTRESS QUICKLY
I am glad he went not in himself: if he had foundthe young man, he would have been horn-mad.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Jem'en vais a la cour--la grande affaire.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Is it this, sir?
DOCTOR CAIUS
Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vereis dat knave Rugby?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
What, John Rugby! John!
RUGBY
Here, sir!
DOCTOR CAIUS
You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.
RUGBY
'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me!Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!
DOCTOR CAIUS
O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!
Pulling SIMPLE out
DOCTOR CAIUS
Rugby, my rapier!
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Good master, be content.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Wherefore shall I be content-a?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
The young man is an honest man.
DOCTOR CAIUS
What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere isno honest man dat shall come in my closet.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truthof it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Vell.
SIMPLE
Ay, forsooth; to desire her to--
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Peace, I pray you.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.
SIMPLE
To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, tospeak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for mymaster in the way of marriage.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put myfinger in the fire, and need not.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.Tarry you a little-a while.
Writes
MISTRESS QUICKLY
[Aside to SIMPLE] I am glad he is so quiet: if hehad been thoroughly moved, you should have heard himso loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,man, I'll do you your master what good I can: andthe very yea and the no is, the French doctor, mymaster,--I may call him my master, look you, for Ikeep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and doall myself,--
SIMPLE
[Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY] 'Tis a great charge tocome under one body's hand.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
[Aside to SIMPLE] Are you avised o' that? youshall find it a great charge: and to be up earlyand down late; but notwithstanding,--to tell you inyour ear; I would have no words of it,--my masterhimself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: butnotwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,--that'sneither here nor there.
DOCTOR CAIUS
You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; bygar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in deepark; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priestto meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not goodyou tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his twostones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throwat his dog:
Exit SIMPLE
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
DOCTOR CAIUS
It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a medat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, Ivill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed minehost of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, Iwill myself have Anne Page.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. Wemust give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!
DOCTOR CAIUS
Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I havenot Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of mydoor. Follow my heels, Rugby.
Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY
MISTRESS QUICKLY
You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, Iknow Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsorknows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do morethan I do with her, I thank heaven.
FENTON
[Within] Who's within there? ho!
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.
Enter FENTON
FENTON
How now, good woman? how dost thou?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.
FENTON
What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, andgentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell youthat by the way; I praise heaven for it.
FENTON
Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: butnotwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on abook, she loves you. Have not your worship a wartabove your eye?
FENTON
Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is suchanother Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as everbroke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. Ishall never laugh but in that maid's company! Butindeed she is given too much to allicholy andmusing: but for you--well, go to.
FENTON
Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's moneyfor thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: ifthou seest her before me, commend me.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell yourworship more of the wart the next time we haveconfidence; and of other wooers.
FENTON
Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Farewell to your worship.
Exit FENTON
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Outupon't! what have I forgot?
Exit