Act III · Scene I
A field near Frogmore.
Hover a speech to translate it — or press play to hear it performed.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE
SIR HUGH EVANS
I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,and friend Simple by your name, which way have youlooked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
SIMPLE
Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, everyway; old Windsor way, and every way but the townway.
SIR HUGH EVANS
I most fehemently desire you you will also look thatway.
SIMPLE
I will, sir.
Exit
SIR HUGH EVANS
'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, andtrempling of mind! I shall be glad if he havedeceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knoghis urinals about his knave's costard when I havegood opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!
Sings
SIR HUGH EVANS
To shallow rivers, to whose fallsMelodious birds sings madrigals;There will we make our peds of roses,And a thousand fragrant posies.To shallow--Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.
Sings
SIR HUGH EVANS
Melodious birds sing madrigals--When as I sat in Pabylon--And a thousand vagram posies.To shallow & c.
Re-enter SIMPLE
SIMPLE
Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.
SIR HUGH EVANS
He's welcome.
Sings
SIR HUGH EVANS
To shallow rivers, to whose falls-Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
SIMPLE
No weapons, sir. There comes my master, MasterShallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, overthe stile, this way.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.
Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER
SHALLOW
How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good studentfrom his book, and it is wonderful.
SLENDER
[Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE
'Save you, good Sir Hugh!
SIR HUGH EVANS
'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
SHALLOW
What, the sword and the word! do you study themboth, master parson?
PAGE
And youthful still! in your doublet and hose thisraw rheumatic day!
SIR HUGH EVANS
There is reasons and causes for it.
PAGE
We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Fery well: what is it?
PAGE
Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belikehaving received wrong by some person, is at mostodds with his own gravity and patience that ever yousaw.
SHALLOW
I have lived fourscore years and upward; I neverheard a man of his place, gravity and learning, sowide of his own respect.
SIR HUGH EVANS
What is he?
PAGE
I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, therenowned French physician.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had aslief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
PAGE
Why?
SIR HUGH EVANS
He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as youwould desires to be acquainted withal.
PAGE
I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.
SHALLOW
[Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
SHALLOW
It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:here comes Doctor Caius.
Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY
PAGE
Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.
SHALLOW
So do you, good master doctor.
Host
Disarm them, and let them question: let them keeptheir limbs whole and hack our English.
DOCTOR CAIUS
I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
SIR HUGH EVANS
[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience:in good time.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
SIR HUGH EVANS
[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not belaughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire youin friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.
Aloud
SIR HUGH EVANS
I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscombfor missing your meetings and appointments.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have Inot stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de placeI did appoint?
SIR HUGH EVANS
As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is theplace appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host ofthe Garter.
Host
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,soul-curer and body-curer!
DOCTOR CAIUS
Ay, dat is very good; excellent.
Host
Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am Ipolitic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall Ilose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and themotions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my SirHugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and theno-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give methy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I havedeceived you both; I have directed you to wrongplaces: your hearts are mighty, your skins arewhole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, laytheir swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;follow, follow, follow.
SHALLOW
Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.
SLENDER
[Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host
DOCTOR CAIUS
Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot ofus, ha, ha?
SIR HUGH EVANS
This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. Idesire you that we may be friends; and let us knogour prains together to be revenge on this samescall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring mewhere is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.
Exeunt