Much Ado About Nothing — Act 1, Scene 3

CONRADE

What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus outof measure sad?

DON JOHN

There is no measure in the occasion that breeds;therefore the sadness is without limit.

CONRADE

You should hear reason.

DON JOHN

And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?

CONRADE

If not a present remedy, at least a patientsufferance.

DON JOHN

I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art,born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moralmedicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hidewhat I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smileat no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and waitfor no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy andtend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry andclaw no man in his humour.

CONRADE

Yea, but you must not make the full show of thistill you may do it without controlment. You have oflate stood out against your brother, and he hathta'en you newly into his grace; where it isimpossible you should take true root but by thefair weather that you make yourself: it is needfulthat you frame the season for your own harvest.

DON JOHN

I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose inhis grace, and it better fits my blood to bedisdained of all than to fashion a carriage to roblove from any: in this, though I cannot be said tobe a flattering honest man, it must not be deniedbut I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted witha muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore Ihave decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had mymouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would domy liking: in the meantime let me be that I am andseek not to alter me.

CONRADE

Can you make no use of your discontent?

DON JOHN

I make all use of it, for I use it only.Who comes here?

DON JOHN

What news, Borachio?

BORACHIO

I came yonder from a great supper: the prince yourbrother is royally entertained by Leonato: and Ican give you intelligence of an intended marriage.

DON JOHN

Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?What is he for a fool that betroths himself tounquietness?

BORACHIO

Marry, it is your brother's right hand.

DON JOHN

Who? the most exquisite Claudio?

BORACHIO

Even he.

DON JOHN

A proper squire! And who, and who? which way lookshe?

BORACHIO

Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.

DON JOHN

A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?

BORACHIO

Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking amusty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, handin hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind thearras; and there heard it agreed upon that theprince should woo Hero for himself, and havingobtained her, give her to Count Claudio.

DON JOHN

Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food tomy displeasure. That young start-up hath all theglory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, Ibless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?

CONRADE

To the death, my lord.

DON JOHN

Let us to the great supper: their cheer is thegreater that I am subdued. Would the cook were ofmy mind! Shall we go prove what's to be done?

BORACHIO

We'll wait upon your lordship.