Much Ado About Nothing — Act 5, Scene 2

BENEDICK

Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well atmy hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.

MARGARET

Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?

BENEDICK

In so high a style, Margaret, that no man livingshall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thoudeservest it.

MARGARET

To have no man come over me! why, shall I alwayskeep below stairs?

BENEDICK

Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth; it catches.

MARGARET

And yours as blunt as the fencer's foils, which hit,but hurt not.

BENEDICK

A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt awoman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I givethee the bucklers.

MARGARET

Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own.

BENEDICK

If you use them, Margaret, you must put in thepikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids.

MARGARET

Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.

BENEDICK

And therefore will come.

BENEDICK

The god of love,That sits above,And knows me, and knows me,How pitiful I deserve,--I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the goodswimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, anda whole bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers,whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of ablank verse, why, they were never so truly turnedover and over as my poor self in love. Marry, Icannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can findout no rhyme to 'lady' but 'baby,' an innocentrhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn,' a hard rhyme; for,'school,' 'fool,' a babbling rhyme; very ominousendings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet,nor I cannot woo in festival terms.

BENEDICK

Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?

BEATRICE

Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me.

BENEDICK

O, stay but till then!

BEATRICE

'Then' is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ereI go, let me go with that I came; which is, withknowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.

BENEDICK

Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.

BEATRICE

Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is butfoul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore Iwill depart unkissed.

BENEDICK

Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense,so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell theeplainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and eitherI must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribehim a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me forwhich of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?

BEATRICE

For them all together; which maintained so politica state of evil that they will not admit any goodpart to intermingle with them. But for which of mygood parts did you first suffer love for me?

BENEDICK

Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer loveindeed, for I love thee against my will.

BEATRICE

In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart!If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it foryours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.

BENEDICK

Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.

BEATRICE

It appears not in this confession: there's not onewise man among twenty that will praise himself.

BENEDICK

An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived inthe lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erectin this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall liveno longer in monument than the bell rings and thewidow weeps.

BEATRICE

And how long is that, think you?

BENEDICK

Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter inrheum: therefore is it most expedient for thewise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find noimpediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of hisown virtues, as I am to myself. So much forpraising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, ispraiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin?

BEATRICE

Very ill.

BENEDICK

And how do you?

BEATRICE

Very ill too.

BENEDICK

Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leaveyou too, for here comes one in haste.

URSULA

Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder's oldcoil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath beenfalsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightilyabused; and Don John is the author of all, who isfed and gone. Will you come presently?

BEATRICE

Will you go hear this news, signior?

BENEDICK

I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and beburied in thy eyes; and moreover I will go withthee to thy uncle's.